My 9 year olds special education dilema?

Ok, it's clear you love your son and are trying to help him. You are also denying his ADD which is going to hurt him. By denying this to him and refusing to see the signs it can prevent him from learning in a way he's better acclimated to. You are not a psychologist who has been studying child development for years. You may know your son, but you don't know comparison data. Accept the diagnosis of ADD. It's not a bad thing to have and you can teach him it's not a stigma. If you don't treat it as a label and the people who teach him don't he'll eb fine. You can't stop peers from being ignorant but by seeing the label as inherently bad, he may be forced to draw some other (inaccurate) conclusion about himself.